Issue 2: Losers Rejoice!

For Days When Writing Isn't Winning

Happy 19th, Ninetweeners!

Welcome to the second issue of my monthly newsletter, Ninetween. You can look out for new issues on the 19th of every month at 19:00 EST (that’s 7 PM!)

A huge thank you to all who supported the first issue of Ninetween last month. It went swimmingly and meant a lot to me! I hope this issue will live up to the (very small, gentle) hype.

This issue is all about games. The ones we play with ourselves, and—of course—the ones we play against ourselves.

Why? Well.

I’ve brought play back into my life.

As a stay-at-home mom and writer, I’m with my kids from 9-5 and then write until I put myself to bed. Sure, I play pretend during the day, but those imaginings are controlled by an all-powerful, e’er on the verge of tears 3-year-old (in my case). His imagination is wonderful and it’s exciting to witness it bloom, but it’s not my imagination.

It’s easy to just…do adult stuff when the kids are in bed.

More work.

Chores.

Rot in front of the TV.

Not you, Severence, you are perfect. *kisses*

But adults need to play too! Some days, writing can be playful. I think a lot of people find this outlet in art. But not always. It’s hard work. Writing is great exercise for the imagination, but at the end of the day, it’s an imaginative workout.

So, this last month, I’ve found myself doing something a little different after my 5-9. I’ve been playing games.

Well, losing games would be more precise. But we’ll get to that in a moment.

It started over Christmas. I was burnt out from contest and short story submissions, feeling creatively drained, and generally exhausted. Every year, we go to my parents for the holidays and bring a bunch of games that inevitably get left in the corner in favour of new (and more exciting) toys.

Anyway, this year I brought Scopa.

Scopa, a traditional Italian card game, is played with a special deck.

For the uninitiated, Scopa is traditional Italian card game that dates back as far as the 18th century. It is played with a deck of forty cards that are numbered 1-10 and divided into four suits: cups, clubs, swords, and coins. Players take turns either capturing cards from or trailing cards to the centre of play. At the end of each round, you score points based on the type and number of cards you took.

Coins and sevens. Those are the real MVPs. And the seven of coins? Daaaaaaaamn.

Anyways, you’re not here to learn a card game.

Or are you?

My husband and I really enjoyed playing Scopa together. We liked it so much that we resolved that Scopa was now “our game” and started playing it during little breaks in the day. Over lunch. Between meetings. Before bed.

One night, while I was writing and he was playing video games on his computer, I looked over his shoulder and saw Iron Man.

“Hey, that’s cool. What game is that?” I asked.

He told me it was called Marvel Rivals. And thus, the descent into obsession began. Scopa be damned. Marvel Rivals is kind of like Overwatch but with Marvel characters. I’ve been playing as Hela, a character that requires two things I do not possess:

1. Aim

2. Skill

Needless to say, I really truly suck as Hela.

Cate Blanchett, on the other hand, does not suck as Hela.

Which leads us into our writing tip and the whole point of this preamble. Because despite all the evidence that I’m not cut out for this and should probably go back to my quest for paper sevens and coins, I haven’t given up on Hela. I haven’t swapped out or decided to try someone else. Nope. I've persisted.

Every.

Single.

Night.

Writing Tip: It Takes Practice.

Remember earlier on when I said I’d been playing and losing a lot of games recently? Hela and my complete inability to hit a target are mostly to blame. So, thanks to my new gaming habit, I’ve learned a term: “crashing out.”

Crashing Out (verb): when you are so fed up with a game that you lose all self-control and act like a complete, irredeemable fool. This may include, but is not limited to: cussing out your teammates, uninstalling the game, or lashing out at your equipment. See also: flipping the table, losing your sh*t, and collapsing in on oneself like a dying star.

If I use their language, maybe they will accept me as one of their own.

I’m being silly, obviously — but here’s the thing. When I started gaming, I started caring about the games I was playing. There was no room for fun — only for success. Every shot I missed felt like I’d failed at something real and tangible. Suddenly, I found myself yelling at clouds about “diving the backline” and “lobbies full of DPS!” Things that meant nothing to me a month ago that suddenly had the power to make my insides shrivel and clench with rage.

I was losing a lot. It didn’t feel good. I wondered if I was good enough or if I should just…stop.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt this way about my writing. It tends to be that way when we find something that connects with our playful side, our competitive side. Don’t believe anyone who tells you writing isn’t competitive.

Last year, I wrote 52 short stories. I submitted them to over 100 contests and publications. And boy, did I ever crash out when they didn’t place. I blamed everything from bad judging to people just “not getting it.” Some days, I thought maybe I’m not really cut out for this and wondered if my book deal was a fluke instead of something I’d earned. I considered uninstalling.

What was the point, right?

Crashing out doesn’t solve the problem. Not in video games and not in writing. When I started playing Marvel Rivals, my aim was abysmal. But I’ve played and I’ve practiced and you know what?

It’s still pretty bad.

But it isn’t as bad as it was, and that is the part that matters. I’m no longer the worst player on the field. Second worst, but I’m making my way up. Slowly but surely. I started unlocking achievements, gaining proficiency. Every once in a while, I earned MVP on my team.

Progress.

Not pictured: me actually playing because the health bar would be zero and I’d be in the spawn, perma-dead.

Writing is the same. It takes practice. We have to develop our skills, perfect our aim. Some days, you’ll find the shots are hitting. You’ll get a short story in a magazine — boom! You’ll be asked to run a workshop — wham bam! You’ll land an honourable mention in a contest—ka POW!

The trough always follows. The time when nothing lands and you miss every shot you take. That’s okay, it’s a part of learning.

Remember when I said I was burnt out? How I’d lost my creativity and turned to games for a reprieve?

I just finished outlining a new novel (my third!). Not because I quit, but because I persisted. I stepped back, re-evaluated, and chose the part of writing that brings happiness. Not the easy part, the joyful one.

Do the people who hit every shot in their video game have fun? Probably. Lucky stinkers. But I doubt they play very long. We don’t tend to find longevity in things that don’t challenge us.

So instead of crashing out over the agents we don’t land, the contests we don’t win, the pieces that aren’t selected for publication, keep playing. Keep practicing. Keep having fun.

Then one day, you’ll land the headshot. Get that MVP. Rank up. Sign the book deal.

My advice to you this month is simple: take a break, breathe, feel what you need to feel. Then get back to work and practice. And no matter what you do, do not uninstall the game.

My smug face when your book deal comes in. You’ve got this.

Publication News.

My work is now in print! My short story, Crepi Il Lupo, about a doctor investigating a curious case of lycomania amongst a theatre troupe, was selected for publication in Howl: A Shapeshifting Anthology by Graveside Press. The book was released both digitally and in print on February 28th, so you can grab a copy here if you’re interested!

I also finished a third round of edits on my sophomore middle grade novel, which has now been shipped off into my wonderful agent Rachel’s loving arms. Did you hear she has a book that released yesterday? Yeah! It's called Nothing Bad Happens Here and it sounds incredible. My pre-order should arrive any day!

You can order it from your favourite indie bookstore or follow the link on Rachel’s website.

Elysia’s Middle Grade Bookshelf

I was drawn to read Jasmine Warga’s middle grade novel, A Rover’s Story, by the comp titles. The One and Only Ivan meets The Wild Robot? Sign me up. What I found in this book was so much more.

A Rover’s Story is a beautiful novel from the perspective of a Mars rover, Resilience (nicknamed Res). As a writer, reading this book challenged me to think about voice and character. Warga has expertly built a character that sounds both robotic and intimately human. While going through astounding out-of-this-world adventures, Res manages to reach to the heart of what it means to be human: to be scared, uncertain, doubtful and — above all — brave.

For middle-grade readers and parents, this book is a wonderful opportunity to discuss topics including STEM projects, death, personhood, and emotion. I was particularly drawn to the way Res’ grappled with the possibility of going offline. It was a poignant exploration of the realization that all lives, ours included, are finite.

A Rover’s Story may be purchased locally at Mill Street Books. If you aren’t in Almonte, please consider supporting an independent bookstore near you. It would mean a lot to me.

Other Projects.

Big announcement this month: I’ve started a literary magazine (along with two wonderful women and great friends)! It is called The LAM and it is dedicated to publishing prose, poetry, and art by authors and artists in Lanark County. It’s a wild ride and I’m learning so much already. If you’re local, please check it out and consider submitting. Unfortunately, we are only open to submissions from writers and artists in our area. You can find all the information you need on our Facebook page, including our call for submissions.

I also run in-person writing events every month through the Almonte Writers Guild. If you are interested in joining the AWG, you can do so here. Please note that members must reside in Lanark County. I’d love to connect with you through our bi-weekly write-ins and monthly discussion groups.

Lastly, I sit on the board of a local non-profit that supports literary events in Lanark County. For more information about Almonte Readers & Writers, check out their website.

Next Issue…

The next issue of Ninetween will land in your inbox and/or feed on April 19 at 19:00 EST (that’s 7 PM!) See you there!

Keep it almost twenty,

Elysia Rourke

www.elysiarourke.com

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